5-2-18 – FORCED SMILE THROUGH REPRESSED TEARS

FORCED SMILE THROUGH REPRESSED TEARS Monday evenings I usually attend a senior gathering in which we listen to recorded music, mostly oldies. (What would you expect from people our age?) I suppose many of us enjoy hearing the songs we remember from when we were young. Some even get up and dance, though I always decline. Since my stroke, my feet are numb, especially the right foot. I’m afraid I would fall over if I tried to dance; so I stay seated. As I look at other seniors, I see many smiles, and occasional frowns too. Most, like me, decline dancing. This night I felt especially melancholy. I forced many smiles, though there were memories triggered that made me feel like crying. Not all of these were the result of the songs. I kept thinking, again, that I have lived my life in vain, not able to see the promises I thought were a sure thing coming to pass any time soon. As I come to the computer to write down my experience, I am still repressing tears. No one would see me if I cried; not even the “God” I dedicated my life to decades ago. I’m sure I’m not alone. Yes, I even caught a frown on a lady who always seems to be smiling. I sense many of us hold back tears. What choice do we have? Crying changes nothing!