Hilarious Southwest Airline Safety Presentation (Open Captions)

This is the full text version of this very funny but whip-speedy monologue of the Southwest flight attendant who got on the Ellen Show in April of 2014. I do this version for my deaf friends because the automatic closed captioning on the other videos is no good. Update: Yes, I know there are two kinds of peals/peels. I tried very hard to use correct spelling and grammar and punctuation but even with the aid of the computer's spell & grammar checkers, I missed that one. Once a youtube video has been uploaded, it cannot be edited or replaced. It can only be deleted. Is it worth losing this link and all the stats & comments just for an "e"? I don't think so. And who knows? At 30,000 feet - maybe bananas make sounds ...the deaf will never know!