Punishing Myself

It's an honor to be able to give my testimony but before I begin, there's a phrase a dear friend of mine always said after she spoke at AA meetings....and I feel it's also a great way to start a testimony. If no one has told you today they love you.....I do. My name is Patti Smith and I have had two abortions. One in the mid 70's and one in the early 80's. I didn't think twice about the first abortion because my career was on the rise and to be honest, I didn't know who the father was. With my second pregnancy I wanted to keep the baby but my parents convinced me it would ruin my life and my career. Both abortion experiences were the same, I recall them like they were yesterday and they were over twenty-five years ago. The clinic was cold and sterile; there was no one there to provide any type of comfort or assurance. They treated the abortions like something routine as a dental filling. The sound of the vacuum echoed through my ears and the tugging felt like something was trying with all its might to hold on. There was something trying to hold on, my children. When I left the clinic both times, instead of feeling relief, I felt empty ... like I had left something behind, which I did. My children.