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Current gf thought that the movie showings during the day were “Manatee Shows”. I had to explain to her that they are in fact “Matinee Shows”. ??♂️?
Edit: also convinced my ex-wife that the little pepper balls you grind to make pepper were the seeds from a pepperoni plant and that pepperoni wasn’t actually meat and grew straight up out of the ground like an earth dick.
She told me she only waxes her legs, because if you shave one hair, then it splits and two grow back in its place...
I asked him to plant a baby tree in the back garden. The next day I saw it and thought it looked strange. Walked up and it had been planted upside down. He thought the roots were tiny limp branches. Laughed for days
She’s not very good with words and English is her first language.
“I got freezer bite on my hands”
Her idioms also need some work:
“You sound like the wolf who cried”
“You opened up a whole new worm”
I had a kid prior to getting together with my fiancée and having a second daughter. The father of my eldest is not in the picture and my wonderful fiancée has taken her on as his own. To the point that he frequently forgets that she isn’t his genetic offspring.
We were at a holiday party at his parents house. I was talking to my future SIL about my eldest and her night terrors when fiancée pops off with “she gets that from my side of the family...” cue really confused faces all around. His sister sat there and started questioning what other genetic diseases my eldest has magically got from stepdad. It took a few minutes before he figured it out. I love this man...
We were driving through some back roads and passed a couple pastures. She saw some cows and started very excitedly trying to get my attention. Grabbing on my arm and saying “babe, babe, look how FAT those horses are”
I have never let it go and she still doesn’t think it’s funny
We bought a new car. She asked me if I changed the settings to Spanish because it said ‘Ajar’ on the dash when the door was open.
As I'm in labor with our daughter, my husband asks "Do you want her to have an innie or an outie belly button?" Weird question, but whatever. So I tell him I don't mind either way, both are cute. And then he says "Yeah, but when the Dr asks, which should we pick for her?"
He thought when they clamp the umbilical cord, parents tell the Dr the type of belly button they prefer. He's really smart, I promise.
When my wife and I started dating in the mid 1980's she knew I was a huge fan of David Letterman. She said she had a huge surprise for me as she had tickets to see Letterman at a local venue.
I was confused since David Letterman did not tour. I looked at the tickets she purchased and they were for the old 60's band "The Lettermen".
We didn't go, but I married her. 30 years this September...
One time my husband called me at work, "Babe, you're gonna be mad, I made a mess but don't worry I'll fix it!"
I didn't even ask, just sighed, because he is basically Lucy from I Love Lucy.
When I got home a little bit later it was to a living room COVERED in gray powder, my husband completely filthy with a trash bag and broom and a super panicked look on his face.
Turned out he'd decided to help around the house and wanted to clean the fireplace, he'd just decided the best way to do it would be to stand in front of it with a trash bag and use the leaf blower to blow the ashes in.
- Spoiler - that doesnt work.
I didn't want to hurt his feelings but I laughed my ass off and it's still one of my favorite weird things he's done