What Your Sexual Fantasies Really Mean, Plus 5 Common Types

What Your Sexual Fantasies Really Mean, Plus 5 Common Types Sex therapists uncover the desires behind fantasies of threesomes, bondage, spanking, and more. Why do people have sexual fantasies? Ever fantasize about having a threesome? Or having your wrists bound to the bedpost in an extra-steamy sex session? Well, you are far from alone: For a study published in 2014, researchers asked more than 1,000 adults about the contents of their sexual fantasies and found a few common themes. Fifty-seven percent of women, for example, said they had dreamt about having sex with two men, while 37% had fantasized about sex with two women. And 46% of men said they fantasized being tied up. But why do we have fantasies in the first place? "They're a powerful way to increase arousal, and distract from anxiety," explains Ian Kerner, PhD, a New York City-based sex therapist. "A lot of people fantasize during sex and may be conflicted about it—but the fantasy could be doing a valuable service of helping compartmentalize stressors that normally get in the way of arousal." In other words, fantasies help you escape from everyday life, and reach that blissed-out state where nothing matters except what's happening right in the moment. No two sexual fantasies are exactly alike, of course, but they do tend to fall into one of five categories: submission, domination, exhibitionism, voyeurism, and group sex. Scroll down to learn about the unspoken desires each type may represent. Submission In a submission fantasy, you make yourself vulnerable to the will of your partner in some way. Maybe you are blindfolded or handcuffed; or your partner whips or spanks you. This scenario can be especially thrilling if you're used to always being in control, Kerner explains. Imagine a CEO who spends the majority of her time telling others what to do and how to do it; she may be turned on by the idea of giving in completely to her sexual partner. “Many fantasies offer a counter point to our real lives,” he says. In some cases, submission fantasies can be therapeutic, too. For a survivor of sexual assult, the scenario that unfolds in her imagination may be related to her trauma: "The fantasy offers the chance to reactivate a painful memory, but be in control," Kerner says. "It can have a healing effect." He gives this example: "One woman I worked with who experienced date rape had a fantasy about being Super Girl, and her boyfriend is a villain with kryptonite that renders her weak." She was re-living her trauma, but in a safe environment, and through the lens of pleasure rather than pain, Kerner explains. Domination A domination fantasy is all about being control, whether that means tying up your partner, or simply calling the shots on positions. This type of fantasy tends to be popular among women who are in relationships with traditional gender roles, says Kerner. “A normally submissive person who feels powerless a lot of the time may enjoy fantasies that center around her sexual power.” Exhibitionism Have you ever thought about getting busy with the blinds open, excited by the possibility that a neighbor might catch you in the act? Or have you thought about what it would be like to have your partner watch you masturbate? If so, you may be turned on by so-called exhibitionism fantasies, another very common type of fantasy. An exhibitionism fantasy involves any scenario in which you perform a sexual act for an audience, whether it's your husband or girlfriend or an unsuspecting stranger. It can create a sense of vulnerability that can be a turn-on. Typically, sexual fantasies have one central theme, says Kerner: "Most of them involve some kind of power exchange." Voyeurism Many movies and television shows have depicted voyeurism, which is the act of secretly watching others engage in sexual acts. But voyeurism doesn't just happen on the big screen; it's the stuff of many fantasies too. In a voyeuristic fantasy, you may want to watch your partner masturbate, for example, or spy on him via webcam. It’s important to note that not all sexual fantasies are scenarios people actually want to act out. The scenario may remain in the fantasy stage forever—and that’s perfectly O.K., says Gracie Landes, a New York City-based marriage and family therapist. “Fantasizing can simply be an escape, a way of daydreaming,” she explains. "Just like people don't share every thought that comes into their head, they don't need to share every fantasy.” Group sex In pop culture, threesome fantasies ar