THE MAN WHO NEVER DISCERNED - a Parody | Lyrics by David Cohen

Parody of M.T.A. by The Kingston Trio Lyrics by David Cohen Performance and Production by Don Caron Video of The Kingston Trio shot by Steve Ralph Executive Producers Don Caron and Jerry Pender To help keep Parody Project alive and functioning, please visit https://parodyproject.com/supportus Parody Project Store: https://parodyproject.com/shop To become a Patron of Parody Project please visit our Patreon Page https://www.patreon.com/parodyproject You can sign up to our mailing list on our website so you don't miss any of our new posts. https://parodyproject.com/subscribe/ LYRICS to THE MAN WHO NEVER DISCERNED By David Cohen Based on M.T.A. by The Kingston Trio Well let me tell you ‘bout the story  Of a man named Garland  On a hopeful yet fateful day  He put nonsense on his docket  Kissed his wife and family  Went to work at the DOJ  Well did he ever discern?  No, he never discerned  As their crimes he won’t confirm (what a pity)  He may hide forever  'Neath the halls of justice  He's the man, who never discerned  Garland handed in his spine  After his own confirmation  And then gave all the “perps” free rein  When he got there, he insisted that the law would not be fickle  Now there’s so much he has to explain!  But did he ever discern?  No, he never discerned  As their crimes he won’t confirm (poor old Merrick)  He may hide forever  'Neath the halls of justice  He's the man, who never discerned Now, all day long  Garland goes through the motions  Thinking "What will become of me?!  How can I afford to have the “Moron” arrested  Or his children, and his family?”  But did he ever discern?  No, he never discerned  As their crimes he won’t confirm (shame and scandal)  He may hide forever  'Neath the halls of justice  He's the man, who never discerned  All the Dem’s go down  To the DOJ office every day at half past noon  And yell at shuttered windows pleading-, “Let’s start indicting  As elections will be happenin’ soon”  But did he ever discern?  No, he never discerned  As their crimes he won’t confirm (he may hide forever)  He may hide forever  'Neath the halls of justice  He's the man, who never discerned  Now you citizens of reason  Don't you think it's a scandal  How the wealthy never seem to pay?  Fight to make this cease!  Contact someone please   to yank Garland from the DOJ   Or else he'll never discern  No, he'll never discern  And their crimes won’t be confirmed (pphhbbtt)  He may hide forever  'Neath the halls of justice  He's the man, who never discerned  He's the man, who never discerned  He's the man, who never discerned  ABOUT THE ORIGINAL SONG "M.T.A.", often called "The MTA Song", is a 1949 song written by Jacqueline Steiner and Bess Lomax Hawes. Known informally as "Charlie on the MTA", the song's lyrics tell an absurd tale of a man named Charlie trapped on Boston's subway system, which was then known as the Metropolitan Transit Authority (MTA). The song was originally recorded as a mayoral campaign song for Progressive Party candidate Walter A. O'Brien. A version of the song with the candidate's name changed became a 1959 hit when recorded and released by The Kingston Trio, an American folk singing group. The song has become so entrenched in Boston lore that the Boston-area transit authority named its electronic card-based fare collection system the "CharlieCard" as a tribute to this song. The transit organization, now called the Massachusetts Bay Transportation Authority (MBTA), held a dedication ceremony for the card system in 2004 which featured a performance of the song by the Kingston Trio, attended by then-governor Mitt Romney. The Kingston Trio version begins with a spoken recitation by Dave Guard accompanied by a solo cello in a low register: "These are the times that try men's souls. In the course of our nation's history, the people of Boston have rallied bravely whenever the rights of men have been threatened. Today, a new crisis has arisen. The Metropolitan Transit Authority, better known as the MTA, is attempting to levy a burdensome tax on the population, in the form of a subway fare increase. Citizens, hear me out! This could happen to you." The song's lyrics tell of Charlie, a man who boards an MTA subway car, but then cannot get off because he does not have enough money for new "exit fares". These additional charges had just been established to collect an increased fare without replacing existing fare collection equipment. The song goes on to say that every day Charlie's wife hands him a sandwich "as the train comes rumbling through" because he is stranded on the train. The song is on "The Ship That Never Returned," composed in 1949 as part of the election campaign of Walter A. O'Brien, a Progressive Party candidate for Boston mayor. O'Brien was unable to afford radio advertisements, so he enlisted local folk singers to write and sing songs from a touring truck with a loudspeaker (he was later fined $10 for "disturbing the peace").