Walter White's Hat Is Stupid - From Lt Col Bilgewater

Dear Walter White, I am a big fan of yours Mr White, and think you to be a great actor, pretending, as you do, to be a bald man, when everyone knows you have hair, and also an illegal pharmacist and what not. In my opinion you were quite good looking with your mahogany skin, your dazzling mahogany eyes twinkling beneath your… mahogany hair, but for whatever reason you shaved your head, and I will not judge your for that. Many men of authority are bald – Patrick Picard, Julian Caesar… Ed Tudor Pole, and Buddha. Although I think being bald quite suits you with your gingerous beard, I have to write to you, I feel, to warn you away from quite, quite the fashion faux pas, as the frogs might say. I fear that your pork pie hat is on the shitty end of ridiculous, in fact more ludicratious than a purple horse. Without wishing to cause offence Mr. White, your hat makes you look at worst like the sort of creep who has not even acquaintances surrounding him to tell him his hat makes him look like a creep, or at best, when wearing your tinted glasses, like a blindman, who hasn’t get stumbled home to find out from the opinions of his Friends and family that he has erroneously bought a pork pie hat. What were you thinking? Coupled with your choice of anorak, checked shirt, and aged gait, the hat makes you look as though you’re going door-to-door selling a mormonised version of the Torah. Rabinwoitz is that right? Torah? … Well I don’t think it’s offensive. All religions wear funny hats. I think more menacing than a hat, if you want to keep the sun off your big bald head, would be an umbrella. No one expects a man in the desert with an umbrella. Or maybe just hair. Also while highly entertaining, I´m glad that after all that nastiness selling poison to desperate dehumanised wretches, you manage-d to settle down with Frankie Munitzesez and Louis Lane and all the rest, without a hat insight. So maybe this letter was unnecessary but never mind. Sending it anyway, Lieutenant-Colonel Anonymous Bilgewater. Bitch .